Wow,
another three hundred and sixty-five days has passed since the last time we
celebrated the New Year. There are so many things floating around in my head,
yet the spigot isn’t big enough for it all to come out. Lucky for anyone
reading this, huh?
It’s
funny the number of things I thought I’d blog about this last year, but
couldn’t quite make myself sit still long enough to write since the last time I
posted.
First,
I need to get something out there that I did write a while back… if only
because it needed to be posted.
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A
friend mentioned something the other day related to an earlier post, and I
thought it was well worth sharing. I don't remember the exact wording, so I'm
going to mangle it, Cindy! But here goes...
A cow has two stomachs, you know? When
it first eats, it chews and chews and eventually swallows, after churning
around in the first stomach, the cud is spit back up and chewed on again, until
it's ready for the second stomach.
Sometimes we need to be like that.
We've got something we think needs to be said, but first we should chew on it
and digest it for a while. When we think it's ready to be shared, we ought to
chew on it some more until we can digest it again. By the time it's been
chewed... and chewed... and is ready to be processed a second time, hopefully
what comes out is more like a blessing than an unforeseen curse; gold instead
of grass.
Something to think about,
eh? At least, for me it is…
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Something
that’s been heavy on my thoughts, lately, is the God I believe in. I believe in
an awesome, giving, loving, just, and powerful God; a God who was willing to
give up His son to die for a bunch of unworthy and ungrateful people He
created. In that light, it’s dawned on me the God I believe in isn’t a
practical God. (From here on out, I’ll simply refer to Him as God, whether you
believe in one or not; I believe in Him)
No,
Virginia, there is no practical God…
Throughout
history, God has never been one to do anything that would “make sense.” At
least sense as far as our understanding can explain. I mean, look at any number
of Biblical history where someone was face-down asking the Almighty to deliver
them from something. For Elijah, His response was a whisper; for Gideon, He
whittled Israel’s army down to a fraction of what they started with (at one
point using how the soldiers drank water!); He pulled a rib out of a man to
give him a companion; when He could have struck any of His people’s captors
dead with less than an utterance, He instead often gave those enemies warnings;
He sent a prophet to a sinful town on numerous occasions, using a creature of
the seas to bring him back, when he could have sent an angel or a talking
donkey, for that matter.
I have
lived my life as a believer in One God, and His risen Son. Somehow, while I
cannot fathom the idea of everything in this universe happening by accident, I
can fathom and unseen being loving me beyond my understanding and creating
everything we understand in a matter of days (heck, time doesn't even become a
factor for Him). I sometimes wonder why He chose to allow my wife and I to
produce a child who has a very limited understanding of cultural norms. For one
thing, it took me until my thirties to finally make it through college and get
a decent degree, I still do not make enough to provide for my family without my
bride needing to work, and yet God decided I should be the father (a very
humbled, but proud father) of a beautiful young lady with what doctors can only
say is a “form of autism”?
That
said, however, this almighty God has also seen fit to place some amazing people
in our lives; some who have the means and desire (for reasons I cannot fathom)
to provide us with financial and material support; others who have given of
themselves in ways money could never compare. All while God could give us
everything we asked for without any need! Some distant relative could die and
leave us with a substantial amount of money; I could walk down the street and
find the winning Powerball ticket stuck to my shoe; heck, we could be contacted
by a distant country (or some other planet in the galaxy...) and told we are descended
from a rich and powerful royalty! No, instead, the Creator of everything
decides to match us with brothers and sisters who WANT to help us out, even
when we are sure we don’t need the help.
Likewise,
God has seen fit to allow us to suffer tragedy this year like never before. We
have lost the possibility to adopt a child we’ve gotten to know and grown deeply
fond of; Ebola has taken a toll on friends we have made in our journeys to
Africa; we have lost family this past year (one only a day or two before the
New Year). I have made mistakes that have hurt dear friends and family alike;
nothing scandalous, mind you, lest you got your hopes up, but I’ve said things
I wish I could take back or at least rephrase. And we’ve watched as dear
friends struggled to bring their own child “home,” as it were, and eventually
break through the barriers and welcome their son only days after Christmas.
Moses is home! Moses is (FINALLY) home, after many years! As we pray for them
in their newly completed family, there is a bittersweet haze as we wonder
whether we will have similar success, someday.
What
will the “new year” bring? I don’t know. Honestly, if you’ve read prior posts,
you already know what I think about time; it is simply a measuring tool for us.
Seriously, is today really all that different from yesterday? I mean, of
course, some are nursing headaches today that they might not have dealt with in
about a year, but I digress…
Today
is simply [our measure] twenty-four hours later than yesterday. We list it
differently in numerical form, we use it as an excuse to “get serious” about
any number of issues in our lives, we even think this could be the year (what
about the day, the minute, the second?) things will change for us. Sadly - for
me, anyway – every day this past year was an opportunity for growth and change.
Some days I took advantage of and grew, others I squandered only to reflect
back in regret.
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Okay, didn't mean to go so deep on the melodrama, but I was trying to get 2014 thoughts out and in the clear. Heh, what a bunch of fog, huh?
If you've read this far, bless you, and my deepest apologies. I write because it’s how I
was created. Well, that, and I’m a fairly self-centered guy who tends to feel
my thoughts would benefit others in this temporary world. A friend recently
told me she thought I should write a book. I've wanted to do that for years,
but not the one she meant. I have a great selection of bizarre stories and
poems I would love to collect and publish someday, but as for my non-fiction I
think I’ll stick to the blog for now. At least until I can make writing a novel
my new resolution.
