Wanna' Buy a Dead Cat?

(I need to stipulate that this would have been “put out there” about a week ago, except our router has stopped working properly. That, or I have continued to not work properly, and the router is fine… either way, this is later than planned)…

I am probably the world’s worst sales person anyone could ever meet. When I was in bands… WAY back in the day, I would pay for people to come to our shows. I was that determined to have people see what we were capable of. Heck, I even gave rides to buddies who lived an hour away from our shows. I’ve had people offer to buy collectibles (y’know, comic books, action figures, etc.) and I would give them out, instead.

So, you get the idea… I couldn’t sell a bottle of water to a marathon runner in the Mojave Desert; of course, that would be cruel to not just give them the water, so I’m not sure it’s a good example. But, hopefully you still get the idea.

Anyway… so have I mentioned we are working on an adoption process? We are, and it’s been a challenge and a blessed lesson. We are surrounded by people who love us, in spite of our many flaws, and many of them also support us in various ways; ways far more generous than financial. They watch our kids while we are in meetings or even in another country; some have even paid to have them flown across the country so we could travel abroad. I think this is partly what makes it so hard to ask for help with the adoption.

How do you ask people you know and love for money? I mean, we’ve done that with our parents; and we do know and love our parents. How do you ask friends, though?

Ironically, this past week a few things came up that were a surprise and a bit of a shock. Two local news channels contacted us, asking about our adoption plans and the fundraising site we are using. Never been contacted by the news before…

The other is a good friend who has offered to set up a fundraiser performance, including dancers (she’s a dance teacher) and musicians, including myself. I’m excited and a little baffled… the support from friends and family is awesome, why would anyone want to interview us about our adoption? I mean, it’s definitely important to us, but we have numerous friends who have adopted, or are also in the process, arduous as it has been. Not to say that we aren’t thrilled with the possibilities; we are. Just a little surprised…

And grateful.

The Selfish Mongrel Speaks, again...

Adoption, in some ways, is a very selfish thing.

Wait, let me rethink that.

I think, for me, adoption is a very selfish thing (yeah, that’s better). I don’t want to speak for anyone else on this issue, as I only know my own thoughts for sure. I have read quite a few blogs, spoken with friends who have adopted, and visited an orphanage in Sierra Leone with others who were also hoping to adopt; some were in the process at that point.

Adoption is immensely personal. I've had to struggle with why I wanted to adopt, and will probably continue to struggle with it, but I've

been able to come to a few conclusions. One, I’m not pursuing this option for our family because I want to be unique.

“Chocolate and vanilla, so to speak; how cool!”

“What great people for wanting to “rescue” these poor children from their awful homes!”

NO!

I really have quarreled, internally, about these thoughts. I've had people tell us how ‘special’ and ‘amazing’ we are; and I often tell them that this is what I’m about! It’s all selfish on my part! I've fallen in love with these children that I met overseas and now have an even deeper yearning desire to bring them into our family! There’s nothing grand or heroic or even merciful about what I’m trying to do! It really is quite self-centered.

On the other hand, because of how I've been touched by the children in Sierra Leone, as well as my desire to help and care for others that have not been given the same opportunities as I have, I honestly do believe that God has called us to pursue adoption (note I did NOT say “called to adopt.” That is our desire and hope, but we have no guarantee of success in this regard). We have friends and family who are outwardly very supportive and even excited for us. We also have family who have made it clear that they do not support us; some, even though they seem supportive, have questioned our motives and ability to adopt. We don’t make much money; we have a child with “special needs;” my hair looks really bad if it isn't Whiffled at least once a month, you get the idea…

The point is, I think (here comes the ADHD excuse, again!), we are going to pursue what we feel led to pursue whether anyone else agrees with it or not. I don’t know what the outcome will be. Does anyone? What I do know, however, is that I love my wife immensely, I love my children so much it pains me sometimes, and I love some beautiful kids that come from a completely different world than our own, and I hope to bring them to the U.S. to live as Jeanes’.

Here Goes...

Holy Farmhands, Batman!
The Dynamic Duo, Olivia and Eli!

 It's taken me a while to figure out what, or how, to do a blog. I've written about my favorite monster movies, I've complained that I'm not that good at blogging, wondered what I should write about, and even thought I would write a whole editorial on the merits of Iron Maiden and their thirty-plus years of serving the community with amazing music. This blog was originally titled something much darker, but I'm happy to say I'm not interested in presenting "darkness," even in a fictional sense. 

At least, not on this blog; I'll leave that to my fiction.

For those that don't know me, or my family for that matter, I'm Dan and my wife is Kristie, and we have two beautiful, challenging, and smart children, Olivia and Elisha. 

Without going into too many dramatics, our daughter was diagnosed, at the age of four, with autism. We knew from day one (honestly) that there was something amiss about her, but it took four years before someone was able or willing to test her. She's our little unpredictable bundle of sunshine, though sometimes cloudy. 

Elisha arrived two years later, to some concern, after what we'd been through with his older sister, and has proven to be a firecracker in his own right. He's advanced in school, and assumes he is advanced at home, though he's years younger than the rest of the family. He's a smart kid, but not quite mature enough to be humble about the abilities God has granted him.

That brings me to the next topic of conversation. Kristie & I are devout (as best we can possibly be in this world) Evangelical Christian Believers. Unfortunately, to some that is a mysterious and dangerous thing; I've had many discussions with people about what our beliefs mean and find it ironic how often the thought of pious, self-righteous, and bigoted features come into play. Then again, I've been all three of those, and could be accused of much more. Fortunately, I believe in a forgiving and loving God who is willing to point out the errors in my own life and gracious enough to help me overcome them with time.

Before meeting Kristie, my life was a mish-mash of occurrences, fronting small-town rock bands, bouncing from home to home while pretending to be a college student (I still had a dorm room). After meeting Kristie, and eventually convincing her to marry me, our lives became a mish-mash of events, though she was definitely the stable one in the storm.

We have lived in three different states since "tying the knot," attended numerous churches, and shifted jobs more times than I care to admit. That has all changed in the last few years, but to say things have settled would be a gross misstatement. We finally found a church (and a church family) that we have, for lack of a better term, "fallen in love with"; I am heading into my fourth year as an employee of the local public school district, doing a job that is challenging in all the right ways; and we both have found a passion that we are in agreement about and driven to follow.

With all of these great accomplishments (tongue somewhat in cheek), each of these has contributed to making our lives a bit more insane than I ever could have imagined... and I couldn't be happier. 

It all started, to some degree, with a friend's trip to Africa; Sierra Leone, to be exact. Jeremy, the friend in question, had decided to visit an orphanage in one of the poorest countries in the world that year. I remember he and his wife telling us about him going overseas and thinking that would never be us. Kristie and I had made it abundantly clear – to each other – that we would never be interested in leaving the States unless it was to see where our ancestors came from, and to try out the food. Africa was scary; if the warfare didn’t take you out, a giant spider would take a stab at ya’. If that wasn’t the problem, then the thought of becoming someone’s dinner really caused chills. Anyway, to my thinking (I can’t speak to Kristie’s thoughts on this, as I don’t think she was nearly as ignorant), Africa had a number of problems and they were their problems.

I can remember vividly Jeremy’s return to the States and his giving a presentation to our small Sunday School class at church one morning. He had clearly been moved by the experiences of going to Sierra Leone. He spoke of the trash heaps that people lived on, surviving off whatever they could scrounge. He talked about the beautiful children that lived on the streets, some attempting to earn a meager income to bring back home; others simply trying to survive. He also mentioned the orphanage he visited and how powerful it was to see God’s hand in the lives of these children who had no other place to call home.

I also recall, with some trepidation, the feeling of jealousy, inadequacy, and non-committal attitude I had toward his excitement. It was fine for him to want to go; in fact, I thought it a little bleeding-heart of him to want to go. But that wasn’t for me. I was an American and a punk-rocker (in my mind, anyway), and didn’t “need” to go anywhere else in the world to prove myself. He knows all of this by now, but he also knows the rest of the story… so far, anyway.

Still reading this? If not, well… I’ll bite my tongue. 

But if you still are, I’ll abbreviate by saying that I have had a change of heart regarding Africa, an orphanage, and God’s desire for our lives. We are in the process of adoption, and by “process” I mean a heart-wrenching black hole ache. I’ve heard the horror stories of adoption, but never realized the same things could happen to us.

This blog is a record of our “process” and the struggles that come with it. I will be on my face, asking God for a whisper. I will write of our struggles through the rending winds, the earthquakes and the fires. I will also faithfully recount the immense grace and healing. Please stay with me on this, but be patient… I’m a slow learner, and this is going to be a bumpy ride.